I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast. George Burns More Quotes by George Burns More Quotes From George Burns First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. George Burns happy-birthday humor funny There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up. George Burns wake-up silly morning You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. George Burns optimistic wish birthday Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns running inspirational funny I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. George Burns cute positive inspirational You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. George Burns hilarious retirement funny I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. George Burns time inspirational life It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns drunk drinking clever When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights. George Burns light teamwork inspiring Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business. George Burns tired fighting wisdom People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. George Burns birthday retirement people And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.' George Burns blame lawyer people Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size. George Burns size shoes young I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. George Burns scotch music funny I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. George Burns elders happy-birthday If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns birthday funny death The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. George Burns humor life funny In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. George Burns ice humor funny Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns inspirational love funny Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there. George Burns funny-love love-you relationship
