I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn. Emo Philips More Quotes by Emo Philips More Quotes From Emo Philips Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life. Emo Philips mammals sex I'm a great lover, I'll bet. Emo Philips humor funny sex I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy. Emo Philips celibacy cheated-on wife My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear. Emo Philips adoption waiting baby My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment. Emo Philips kitchen three mom It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat. Emo Philips cat wife might Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much! Emo Philips underwear mother mind A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..." Emo Philips coffee humor funny Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are. Emo Philips computer intelligent thinking I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. Emo Philips guy home night My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family. Emo Philips grandmother brain heart People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi. Emo Philips humor funny people The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, "children are our most prescious natural resource". I thought, "let's hope it never comes to that". Emo Philips president night children When I was young, my father had a serious heart attack. He Emo Philips car heart father When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness! Emo Philips rubber men kids He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites. Emo Philips smile taught funny Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. Emo Philips cds humor funny Ambiguity is the devil's volleyball. Emo Philips volleyball ambiguity devil The question is absurd: when you ask, 'If God is both all good and all powerful, why then does He allow suffering?', what you are really asking is, 'If God is both all good and all powerful, why then can He not make me (the questioner) - who is just as much a part of a universe in which there is suffering as is any other part - be at the same time the exact same questioner, but one who is now part and parcel of a universe in which there is no suffering?' Which, reduced down, is the same thing as asking, 'Why can there not be, at the same time, X and the preclusion of X?' Emo Philips asking-why powerful suffering I'm not as good a swimmer as I used to be - thanks to evolution. Emo Philips swimmer thanks evolution
