I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school. Woody Allen educational regret school I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person. Woody Allen gadgets computer stuff Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot? Woody Allen fooled idiot bigger Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging. Woody Allen orange forgive-me forgiving I failed to make the chess team because of my height. Woody Allen chess-game team funny If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? Woody Allen meat would-be men The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey. Woody Allen jersey humor funny Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. Woody Allen political serious taken We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice. Woody Allen despair choices path It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen home graduation life Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls. Woody Allen return phones dog In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. Woody Allen mind say-anything philosophy Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. Woody Allen cutting inspirational death He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. Woody Allen humor suicide funny And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up. Woody Allen teeth prophet shapes I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen lourdes psychology years What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage. Woody Allen light average giving I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen analysts giving years I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them. Woody Allen song morning art No Matter what you do there will be critics. Woody Allen no-matter-what matter wise
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