I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now. Robert Benchley More Quotes by Robert Benchley More Quotes From Robert Benchley Work is a form of nervousness. Robert Benchley nervousnessform There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from which the old familiar filling has disappeared. Robert Benchley tonguespacemoments The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia. Robert Benchley atmospheredonediscovery This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation. Robert Benchley testsappreciationjobs Streets flooded. Please advise. Robert Benchley veniceadviseplease A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs. Robert Benchley funmenyears The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice. Robert Benchley wisementhinking One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods. Robert Benchley exoticenthusiasmjustice It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start. Robert Benchley buildingbridgeswould-be I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her. Robert Benchley ducksdramalaughing If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from. Robert Benchley comedylawnatural When we think back to our forefathers, with their sedentary lives of forest-chopping, railroad-building, fortune-founding, their fox-hunting and Indian taming, their prancing about in the mazurka and the polka, with their coattails flying and their bustles bouncing, to say nothing of their all-day sessions with the port and straight bourbon,... we must realize that we are a nation, not of neurasthenics, but of sissies and slow-motion sports. Robert Benchley exercisesportsthinking If only those old walls could talk...how boring they would be. Robert Benchley wallboringwould-be For most visitors to Manhattan, both foreign and domestic, New York is the Shrine of the Good Time. "I don't see how you stand it," they often say to the native New Yorker who has been sitting up past his bedtime for a week in an attempt to tire his guest out. "It's all right for a week or so, but give me the little old home town when it comes to living." And, under his breath, the New Yorker endorses the transfer and wonders himself how he stands it. Robert Benchley new-yorkhomepast What is the disease which manifests itself in an inability to leave a party--any party at all--until it is all over and the lightsare being put out?... I suppose that part of this mania for staying is due to a fear that, if I go, something good will happen and I'll miss it. Somebody might do card tricks, or shoot somebody else. Robert Benchley partycuriositymissing I suppose that one of the psychological principles of advertising is to so hammer the name of your product into the mind of the timid buyer that when he is confronted with a brusk demand for an order he can't think of anything else to say, whether he wants it or not. Robert Benchley namesorderthinking Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous. Robert Benchley suicidemendeath One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery. Robert Benchley humorfeetfunny There are several natural phenomena which I shall have to have explained to me before I can keep on going as a resident member ofthe human race. One is the metamorphosis which hats and suits undergo exactly one week after their purchase, whereby they are changed from smart, intensely becoming articles of apparel into something children use when they want to "dress up like daddy. Robert Benchley smartracechildren Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée. Robert Benchley partychurchbridges
