I love to write jokes and that's all I think about. Rita Rudner More Quotes by Rita Rudner More Quotes From Rita Rudner My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale. Rita Rudner you-like-it designer dresses Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo. Rita Rudner party humor funny The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. Rita Rudner humor men funny Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" Rita Rudner funny children travel I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes. Rita Rudner office inspirational jobs I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved. Rita Rudner husband baby way My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee. Rita Rudner cousin real men Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened. Rita Rudner sports men funny How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon? Rita Rudner noon funny-inspirational morning Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover. Rita Rudner magazines self men I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. Rita Rudner country years thinking Cats are a waste of fur. Rita Rudner fur waste cat I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. Rita Rudner vegas math school I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward. Rita Rudner sharks regret looks All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. Rita Rudner nice humor funny Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. Rita Rudner humor men funny Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps. Rita Rudner humor baseball funny Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. Rita Rudner humor war funny My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell. Rita Rudner football sports father I like whomever to come to my shows. I want people who want to see me to come see me. I don't want to force people. I don't want it to feel like a job! Rita Rudner want jobs people
