I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. George Carlin inspirationallifefunny Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time. George Carlin all-timebullshitstories hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work. George Carlin efforthard-worklong When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person. George Carlin serious-personpoliticaltalking We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. George Carlin paradoxsoulair By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. George Carlin voicemotherlaughing As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality. George Carlin i-love-my-familystarshouse If voting changed anything, it would be illegal. George Carlin illegalvotingwould-be We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all. George Carlin yogayearsthinking How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette? George Carlin abortionfunnyreligion My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money. George Carlin guiltywantway I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own. George Carlin circumcisionatheistpractice Most people are not particularly good at anything. George Carlin people A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed. George Carlin sarcasticlifefunny Early in my career I was divided because I had the real self underneath: the lawbreaker, the anarchist, the person who swims against the tide, the outsider, the loner, all of that guy. He was my private self, and I had this other side that wanted to be liked in order to do all those things I dreamed of as a little boy. I didn't realize that those things didn't go together until later. And I'm quite sure that my use of acid and peyote helped me accept what was really going on inside of me instead of what I had imposed on myself. George Carlin realselfboys Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? George Carlin seasonstouristsifs If you're reading it in a book, folks, it ain't self-help. It's help. George Carlin readingselfbook When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. George Carlin improvementhumorfunny As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money. George Carlin powerfulmayneeds No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to. George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny
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