I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen suicidefunnydeath I want to return to the womb, anyone's. Woody Allen wombreturnwant I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen tryinggivingtwo What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! Woody Allen humorlittlesfunny No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck. Woody Allen selflovebook I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat. Woody Allen meatusewant People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country. Woody Allen talkingcountrypeople A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. Woody Allen humorouswittyboys Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one. Woody Allen dadmomchildren I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead. Woody Allen tumorsgrows What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool? Woody Allen being-coolmatter I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen heartbreakkissinglove I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier. Woody Allen hatedpersonsfeelings I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't. Woody Allen funny-lifebelievepast There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith. Woody Allen there-is-no-godproveway I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? Woody Allen afterlifeabletwenties Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete. Woody Allen disorderstresslittles The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you. Woody Allen differenceslaughingsex If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship. Woody Allen neuronshomeworkbrain I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen annie-halleveningguy
