I started the relationship with her and I thought it would just be a fling. It wouldn’t be serious, but it had a life of its own. And I never thought it would be anything more. Then we started going together, then we started living together, and we were enjoying it. And the age difference didn’t seem to matter. It seemed to work in our favor actually.

Woody Allen

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I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.

Woody Allen

distraction sitting home

My brain? It's my second favorite organ!

Woody Allen

humorous brain witty

There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.

Woody Allen

rhyme seems reason

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.

Woody Allen

divorce left wife

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

Woody Allen

done law lobster

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Woody Allen

laughter funny ideas

Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: "Let us out, let us out!".

Woody Allen

eggs numbers men

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

Woody Allen

home sports night

People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.

Woody Allen

news want people

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass.

Woody Allen

keys home silly

Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.

Woody Allen

men sex thinking

Human existence is a brutal experience to me... it's a brutal, meaningless experience - an agonizing, meaningless experience with some oases, delight, some charm and peace, but these are just small oases. Overall, it is a brutal, terrible experience, and so it salvation is what can you do to alleviate the agony of the human condition, the human predicament? That is what interests me the most.

Woody Allen

oasis agonizing agony

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Woody Allen

humor funny sex

If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.

Woody Allen

bail santa believe

They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.

Woody Allen

swans ballet new-york

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen

sarcasm sarcastic nature

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.

Woody Allen

fun laughing sex

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

Woody Allen

parent together years

History is the same thing over and over again.

Woody Allen

fitness-motivational temporary-insanity bores-you

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Woody Allen

paranoid mean