I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today. Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried. Henny Youngman humor night funny I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Henny Youngman anniversary husband inspiration My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman good-life grandma drinking A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!" Henny Youngman crazy humor funny Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. Henny Youngman family inspirational funny I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. Henny Youngman motivation money funny Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house. Henny Youngman divorced experts house My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement. Henny Youngman wife political beautiful When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter." Henny Youngman restaurants tables giving There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out. Henny Youngman girl humor funny While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman balls golf two Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" Henny Youngman humor new-york funny My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him. Henny Youngman giving-up brother jobs I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." Henny Youngman wife lakes water When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman crazy reading drinking A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat! Henny Youngman grandma beach kids Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did Henny Youngman wife money funny What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Henny Youngman money silly being-happy If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman good-morning laughter funny Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Henny Youngman doing-nothing impossible years
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