I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today. Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...." Henny Youngman wine humor funny We aim to please... You aim too, please. Henny Youngman aim stupidity god This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. Henny Youngman women humor funny The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. Henny Youngman horse humor funny When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. Henny Youngman sneezing humor funny Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men. Henny Youngman girl simple men Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying. Henny Youngman marrying The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!" Henny Youngman humor hurt funny Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock. Henny Youngman cuckoos law mother You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. Henny Youngman nice humor funny Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries. Henny Youngman halloween humor funny I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can. Henny Youngman wife cooking missing A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!" Henny Youngman humor men funny My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!" Henny Youngman horse humor funny She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!" Henny Youngman yelling humor funny A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." Henny Youngman humor men funny I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen." Henny Youngman humor home funny A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking. Henny Youngman sorry golf men If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. Henny Youngman mother jobs funny My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!" Henny Youngman wife humor funny
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