I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

Robert Orben

Categorized in : People Conscience Values

Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?

home past travel

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

modern-life book school

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

humor work funny

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

luxury democracy firsts

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

new-year fighting years

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

politician government way

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

funny kids children

President Ford used humor a great deal.

deals used president

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.

vegetables food thinking

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?

science-and-religion computer blessing

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

humans divine exercise

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

take-me tvs mind

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

arms stuff mean

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

excitement stress work

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

teaching education morning

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

cereal food children

All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.

grief mean years

Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always

disappointing pandas expectations

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

eight trying years

There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.

dreamer two people