I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. W. C. Fields necks pain men The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split. W. C. Fields splits wife needs Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. W. C. Fields comedy should children Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. W. C. Fields feet house littles When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours. W. C. Fields whiskey drinking hands There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. W. C. Fields food children firsts Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words. W. C. Fields four names letters I never eat before breakfast. W. C. Fields breakfast I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. W. C. Fields drinking time funny Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. W. C. Fields comedy lunch drinking I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.). W. C. Fields caught comedy reading Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. W. C. Fields funny-life christmas drinking My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. W. C. Fields health food baby I like children. If they're properly cooked. W. C. Fields explanation ifs children I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. W. C. Fields sunday witty thinking Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else. W. C. Fields happenings comedy tragedy Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty. W. C. Fields girl twenties children I drink therefore I am. W. C. Fields drinking clever funny The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache. W. C. Fields drinking boys two Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. W. C. Fields yards nature night
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