I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis. Joan Rivers simpleworrythinking Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh. Joan Rivers comedyanimallaughing I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny. Joan Rivers very-happythinking Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be. Joan Rivers beatscomedyshould If you don't think you're funny, no one else will. Joan Rivers ifsthinking Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts. Joan Rivers marriedcostgay Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It's fashion - enjoy it! Joan Rivers enjoyfashion I love the way my life has fallen into place. Joan Rivers fallenway I think I was more freaked out in the hair and makeup tests than I was once I got on set, it was bizarre. I stopped looking in a mirror. Joan Rivers entertainment What ultimately guided me was my unwavering belief that no family should ever have to go through what my mother, Cooper and I have been through, the level of medical mismanagement, incompetency, disrespect and outrageous behavior is shocking and frankly, almost incomprehensible. Joan Rivers entertainment Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present. Joan Rivers wisdomgodtodayhistory Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. Joan Rivers youlife-is-hardlifefunny Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. Joan Rivers calmenjoylifefunny I never dwell on what happened. You can't change it. Move forward. Don't waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It's over. Done. Move forward. Joan Rivers youangryenergychange As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making jokes about absolutely everything. Joan Rivers everythingdifficultjokeslife Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened to her. That process of bringing her story back doesn't have to be a serious one. What I say is all nonsense, but it helps to keep her memory alive. Joan Rivers memoryyourememberpeople With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, 'Joan, wake up, it's all over and you're looking pretty'. Joan Rivers lookingyousleepdeath What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me. Joan Rivers laughanythingmehorror I'm grateful for every day I'm still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it's the preservatives that keep me going. That, and I eat as much chocolate as I can get my hands on. Joan Rivers daymegratefuleating My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit, so we have big celebrations for New Year, Passover, Thanksgiving and birthdays. Joan Rivers lovednewthanksgivingmother
