I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so... I ignored it for a few hours.

Tina Fey

Categorized in : Blue Tests Pads

Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

girl sarcastic athlete

And I can see Russia from my house. by Tina Fey

And I can see Russia from my house.

saturday-night-live russia house

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

obstacles careers witty

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at. by Tina Fey

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

smart humor witty

Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year f... by Tina Fey

Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

arms rocks years

You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'this is impossible - oh,this is impossible'. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.

parenting humor inspiring

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

boss baby school

If you ever start to feel good about yourself... by Tina Fey

If you ever start to feel good about yourself...

about-yourself internet feel-good

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion. by Tina Fey

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

delusion hilarious hard-work

You've got to experience failure to understand that you can survi... by Tina Fey

You've got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.

sweating

Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you. by Tina Fey

Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you.

bossypants

So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

funny-motivational witty inspirational

Thomas Jefferson—another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.

white play boys

There are no mistakes only opportunities. by Tina Fey

There are no mistakes only opportunities.

successful mistake inspirational

To me YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

discussion worthwhile mean

Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions... Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

confidence self-esteem motivational

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.

party sorry funny

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on w... by Tina Fey

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

adorable humor baby

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

troll bridges witty

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Ru... by Tina Fey

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

hilarious inspiring inspirational