I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. Rodney Dangerfield real hurt funny I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody. Rodney Dangerfield wife humor funny I have three kids, one of each. Rodney Dangerfield humor funny kids Life's a short trip. You'll find out. Rodney Dangerfield I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex. Rodney Dangerfield bottles mirrors sex You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two. Rodney Dangerfield car laughing two I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents? Rodney Dangerfield dating girl parent She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize. Rodney Dangerfield ugly dog firsts When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me. Rodney Dangerfield respect kids looks Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy. Rodney Dangerfield halloween rip funny My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs. Rodney Dangerfield growing-up family funny It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book. Rodney Dangerfield tired wife book I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect." Rodney Dangerfield humor morning funny She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks. Rodney Dangerfield fats humor funny Time and tide and hookers wait for no man. Rodney Dangerfield tides waiting men At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind. Rodney Dangerfield humorous wind funny When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other. Rodney Dangerfield no-friends respect kids When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw. Rodney Dangerfield respect mother kids I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires. Rodney Dangerfield radio guy two I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself. Rodney Dangerfield suicidal cutting kids
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