I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield A hooker once told me she had a headache. Rodney Dangerfield headache humor funny It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark. Rodney Dangerfield respect army dark We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Rodney Dangerfield marriage relationship funny Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it. Rodney Dangerfield idiot people thinking Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?' Rodney Dangerfield marriage love thinking Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it. Rodney Dangerfield running witty funny I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying. Rodney Dangerfield car radio In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop. Rodney Dangerfield football funny school I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. Rodney Dangerfield girl funny sex ...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife. Rodney Dangerfield naked bars wife I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. Rodney Dangerfield ties yellow funny I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. Rodney Dangerfield humor funny cheating We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again. Rodney Dangerfield dollars want kids What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. Rodney Dangerfield arms pet dog With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! Rodney Dangerfield marriage humorous sex With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night. Rodney Dangerfield morning night sex I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. Rodney Dangerfield money successful men The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it. Rodney Dangerfield muggers mask night When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight. Rodney Dangerfield respect men kids I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. Rodney Dangerfield sunday humor funny
