I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol. George Carlin tissuesdevelopmentbrain Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form - it's certainly artistry. George Carlin writingpeopleart When people say “clean as a whistleâ€, they forget that a whistle is full of spit. George Carlin humorfunnypeople For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label. George Carlin labelsatheistbelief If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work. George Carlin smilelifefunny Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life. George Carlin jobslyingart You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No, you don’t see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do. George Carlin volunteerwhitebaby And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a word. You never hear them say "Jesus made me drop the ball." "The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. Must be another one of those "miracles." George Carlin christianphilosophyjesus I love individuals. I think people are terrific as I meet and get to know them. I like imagination. I like the freedom that this society manages to parcel out to us in the midst of the rest of what they do to you. I also like thinking about the fact that the atoms in me are the same atoms that are in all the rest of the universe, and that every one of those atoms came from the middle of a star. In other words, it's only me out there. George Carlin starspeoplethinking Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, "Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing?" It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do. George Carlin casesmenchildren I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions. George Carlin stupidlawthinking The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice. George Carlin suicidestupidpractice Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. George Carlin inspirationalfunnytravel May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush. George Carlin teethhairdirty And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats. George Carlin culinarycookingfood The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake! George Carlin bandradiosake I don't vote. We're led to believe we're free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms. George Carlin voteexercisebelieve The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy people want to go out and kill each other I'm a happy guy! George Carlin religiouswarpeople Does killing time damage eternity? George Carlin damagekillingdoe
