I write 200 columns a year, you know. That means I have to have 200 opinions a year. Sometimes, I don't give a damn one way or the other, but that's my job, so I got to take a side. Lewis Grizzard More Quotes by Lewis Grizzard More Quotes From Lewis Grizzard If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi Lewis Grizzard pepsi would-be soccer I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out. Lewis Grizzard aging hate men If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground. Lewis Grizzard georgia nails feet Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?" Lewis Grizzard learning crazy reading I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them. Lewis Grizzard three letters people There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago. Lewis Grizzard hamburgers lines waiting Spring time is the land awakening. Lewis Grizzard awakening land spring Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work. Lewis Grizzard passion creative appreciation If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low. Lewis Grizzard oil lows love When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care? Lewis Grizzard valentines-day valentine care Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease. Lewis Grizzard perspective humor funny Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself. Lewis Grizzard feel-good feels They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat. Lewis Grizzard flats sadness heart On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. Lewis Grizzard new-york fun travel If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes. Lewis Grizzard scenery never-change dog Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. Lewis Grizzard love life sex I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. Lewis Grizzard marriage relationship funny Let's all start walking more and driving less. Lewis Grizzard driving walking Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. Lewis Grizzard Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn. Lewis Grizzard
