If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again. Dennis Miller More Quotes by Dennis Miller More Quotes From Dennis Miller There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim. Dennis Miller common-sense fear people Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program. Dennis Miller obamacare politics needs And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee. Dennis Miller coffee father breakfast Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could come and sit at the table, so don't piss in the finger bowls, all right? Thank you. In return for unfettered economic opportunity and no government death squads, try to get along with your new stepmotherland, and don't be resentful if there's a set of house rules already in place. Dennis Miller opportunity country father It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis. Dennis Miller hate reason people Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. Dennis Miller washington-dc cheesy lying Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it. Dennis Miller courses pain feels You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. Dennis Miller comedy educational problem American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. Dennis Miller paper-towels self water Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick. Dennis Miller tick bombs ideas It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. Dennis Miller zero dark people Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe? Dennis Miller weed football two TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular Dennis Miller light eye thinking Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong. Dennis Miller moron politics stupid A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. Dennis Miller humor running funny I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed. Dennis Miller sceptic used-to-be used The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. Dennis Miller work jobs people My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. Dennis Miller inspirational funny travel The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in. Dennis Miller country book people I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love. Dennis Miller celine legal-system thinking
