If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times. Lewis Black More Quotes by Lewis Black More Quotes From Lewis Black Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel. Lewis Black videoguythinking MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken! Lewis Black mtvhumorfunny What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding. Lewis Black walldreamlying There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power. Lewis Black governmentshouldlaw Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer. Lewis Black ablegayterm If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' Lewis Black why-notgovernmentbook You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over. Lewis Black inspirationalfunnytravel It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating. Lewis Black writtenshouldwriting The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really? Lewis Black carebeliefway I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated. Lewis Black cnnfoxeswatches Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math! Lewis Black democratrepublicanmath My review of 2001, the year, is the same as my review of 2001: A Space Odyssey. It went on too long, it was hard to follow, and you could only enjoy it if you were really, really, *really* stoned. Lewis Black spacelongyears For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think. Lewis Black disappointmentpeoplethinking Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? Lewis Black humoratheistfunny Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app! Lewis Black bedusebrain In Vegas, you have an audience you can't find anywhere else. It's from all over the country. You play Seattle, everyone's from Seattle. But in Vegas, you have six from Seattle, a bunch from L.A., some local Las Vegans and maybe a farmer from Iowa. In Vegas, you learn the ins and outs of holding a room because of that great spectrum of folks. Lewis Black vegasiowacountry It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again! Lewis Black humorhomefunny I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional? Lewis Black drugleaderpeople I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person. Lewis Black palinrealworld The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!" Lewis Black yellingcarthree
