If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. Calvin Trillin More Quotes by Calvin Trillin More Quotes From Calvin Trillin Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease. Calvin Trillin grease texas strong The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin mothers-day mom funny As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. Calvin Trillin sound writing inspirational In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses. Calvin Trillin events writing america Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically. Calvin Trillin answers math teacher I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English. Calvin Trillin restaurants immigration favors When helicopters were snatching people from the grounds of the American embassy compound during the panic of the final Vietcong push into Saigon, I was sitting in front of the television set shouting, Get the chefs! Get the chefs! Calvin Trillin finals sitting people Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions. Calvin Trillin three trouble people Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work. Calvin Trillin degenerates hard-work ideas When someone reaches middle age, people he knows begin to get put in charge of things, and knowing what he knows about the people who are being put in charge of things scares the hell out of him. Calvin Trillin knowing age people I suppose that there are endeavors in which self-confidence is even more important than it is in writing -- tightrope walking comes immediately to mind -- but it's difficult for me to think of anybody producing much writing if his confidence is completely shot. Calvin Trillin self-confidence writing thinking Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense. Calvin Trillin jewish-tradition vampire giving I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally. Calvin Trillin teaching teacher school Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan. Calvin Trillin purple names blue Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry. Calvin Trillin cry tattoo The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism. Calvin Trillin argument colonialism sandwiches Marriage is part of a sort of 50′s revival package that's back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition. Calvin Trillin naked ambition drinking Before I was born [my father] wanted me to go specifically to Yale, which he thought would help. It was easy for him to think I could be president: he didn't have to worry about being president himself, being ineligible because he wasn't born in the United States. Calvin Trillin yale father thinking I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent. Calvin Trillin parking parallels talent I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still. Calvin Trillin cooking feet food
