If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff. Bill Cosby More Quotes by Bill Cosby More Quotes From Bill Cosby When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree. Bill Cosby philadelphiatreechildren The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath. Bill Cosby paddlingduckssecret I'm going out... because I deserve to go out! And I'm going to get drunk... because I deserve to get drunk! And get out of my way! Bill Cosby drunkgoing-outway A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz. Bill Cosby cubancigarcuban-cigars There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein. Bill Cosby mentwobelieve People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often. Bill Cosby usegraduationpeople Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.' Bill Cosby actingparentworry Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?" Bill Cosby humorfunnyfall "And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that. Bill Cosby tiredmotherfunny If you're a parent, the five worst words you can say to your children are, "When I was your age ..." You were never their age. You were older in the womb. Bill Cosby parentagechildren My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it. Bill Cosby humormotherfunny My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children. Bill Cosby beautifulfunnychildren When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!" Bill Cosby funnyfatherchildren The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic. Bill Cosby childhoodessenceplay I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child's behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap. Bill Cosby psychologymeanchildren I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door. Bill Cosby garageferraridoors People should fact check. People shouldn’t have to go through that and shouldn’t answer to innuendos. Bill Cosby answersfactspeople I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring. Bill Cosby grandmotherglassesdrinking Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either. Bill Cosby cookies The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure. Bill Cosby educationalparentimportant
