If you're in high-school and you're not having fun, quit. Doug Stanhope More Quotes by Doug Stanhope More Quotes From Doug Stanhope What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him. Doug Stanhope elephantsjobsmen If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery. Doug Stanhope membersdruggovernment Unfortunately this is where comedy works, where people are the most miserable. Doug Stanhope miserablecomedypeople "This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth. Doug Stanhope tadpolesdyingmouths Coward is the most misused word in our society. Doug Stanhope misused-wordscowardsociety When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee. Doug Stanhope arizonatownslittles The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about. Doug Stanhope supposed-to-be [Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools. Doug Stanhope actorstoolsmight If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young. Doug Stanhope dieddiesyoung I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better. Doug Stanhope druglastsdrinking You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't? Doug Stanhope hatechildrenpeople Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience. Doug Stanhope clubsthreesitting I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic. Doug Stanhope humortryingfunny Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them. Doug Stanhope mutationenoughexciting In 20 years of comedy, I've probably had a dozen good points. Doug Stanhope dozencomedyyears The more business gets involved, the less fun it is. Doug Stanhope involvedget-involvedfun Did you ever try to sleep sober? Doug Stanhope sobersleeptrying People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate. Doug Stanhope differenthatepeople I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt. Doug Stanhope drunkselffall I'm not the one-take wonder that a lot people think I am. Doug Stanhope wonderpeoplethinking
![[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actor... by Doug Stanhope](https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-medium-quote-f20a0b490b51f2b23685e51531314727.jpg)
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