If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer Steven Wright More Quotes by Steven Wright More Quotes From Steven Wright A metaphor is like a simile. Steven Wright similemetaphorhumor I just lost a buttonhole. Steven Wright lost I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once. Steven Wright my-dogwalksdog If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet? Steven Wright swimminghumorfunny When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' Steven Wright good-morninggirlfriendmistake Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug. Steven Wright limbohumorfunny Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children. Steven Wright insanelittleschildren I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank." Steven Wright wirehumorfunny Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting. Steven Wright imagine You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament. Steven Wright old-testamentshouldthinking Four years ago... no, it was yesterday. Steven Wright humorfunnyyears I washed mud off of mud. Steven Wright mudhumorfunny Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. Steven Wright bicycleweeklasts It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?' Steven Wright bedracethinking I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. Steven Wright humorfunnyway In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. Steven Wright las-vegasgamblingmen If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Steven Wright humorwinningfunny I thought I would be a guy on the radio. Steven Wright radioguywould-be Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?' Steven Wright childhoodbigsnice Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? Steven Wright humorpigsfunny
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