In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen sarcasm sarcastic years I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen conquer humorous witty A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone. Woody Allen stockbrokers gone people I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen inspirational life funny Eternity is really long, especially near the end. Woody Allen hilarious funny long Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. Woody Allen mind fun philosophy Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion. Woody Allen humor beauty funny Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen enjoy-it-while-it-lasts should answers [The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent. Woody Allen haphazard violent universe To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it. Woody Allen big-fish littles animal To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. Woody Allen suffering love-is movie-love I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen team softball morning The only love that lasts is unrequited love. Woody Allen unrequited lasts love Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. Woody Allen humorous names funny There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. Woody Allen important two sex How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich. Woody Allen zurich specialists nephew Paranoia is knowing all the facts. Woody Allen paranoia knowing facts Tradition is the illusion of permanance. Woody Allen illusion tradition Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals. Woody Allen education writing science I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school. Woody Allen educational regret school
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