In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

P. J. O'Rourke

Categorized in : World Light Block

One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.

recycling support paper

Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, n... by P. J. O'Rourke

Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less.

pay

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

motorcycle males team

One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.

responsibility inspirational believe

Cats possess so many of the same qualities as some poeple that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.

quality cat people

The principal feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad things — war and hunger and date rape — liberals testify to their own terrific goodness. More important, they promote themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply about such things.... It's a kind of natural aristocracy, and the wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don't have to be brave, smart, strong or even lucky to join it, you just have to be liberal.

smart strong war

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

wine food funny

Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right.

girlfriend party believe

I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the... by P. J. O'Rourke

I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything.

motto life-is answers

A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.

girl beauty funny

Detroits industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in... by P. J. O'Rourke

Detroits industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.

detroit ruins rome

Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

punishment marijuana self

I'd like to end the book a lot of ways. Except I don't have any answers. Use your common sense. Be nice. This is the best I can do. All the trouble in the world is human trouble. Well, that's not true. But when cancer cells run amok and burst out of the prostate and take over the liver and lymph glands and end up killing everything in the body including themselves, they certainly are acting like some humans we know.

nice running life

Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there. by P. J. O'Rourke

Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

men

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?

government dying death

Feminism is the result of a few ignorant and literal-minded women letting the cat out of the bag about which is the superior sex. Once women made it public that they could do things better than men, they were, of course, forced to do them.

cat men sex

When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry. by P. J. O'Rourke

When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.

libertarian liberty thinking

They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, 'the Irish of Asia'.

asia drinking littles

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have... by P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

sarcastic life funny

A pleasant natural environment is a good - a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we want something, we should pay for it, with our labor or our cash. We shouldn't beg it, steal it, sit around wishing for it, or euchre the government into taking it by force.

philosophical want-something government