It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. Steven Wright More Quotes by Steven Wright More Quotes From Steven Wright When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. Steven Wright mindtryinglooks In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out' Steven Wright humorhomefunny Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. Steven Wright hatefunnyfall I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be. Steven Wright gratefulcareersimagination If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? Steven Wright humorsummerfunny Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand? Steven Wright thirdswatcheshands I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it. Steven Wright kindnessfoodmoving I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing. Steven Wright shadowhumorfunny If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? Steven Wright iceswiminspirational Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Steven Wright comedycoffeebreak I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. Steven Wright humorfunnymoving I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. Steven Wright humorbusinessfunny I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small! Steven Wright gardeningantsfunny I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven Wright humorworkfunny I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy. Steven Wright drawingguitarart Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Steven Wright chickenshumorfunny I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it." Steven Wright phoneshumorfunny Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. Steven Wright oceanhumorfunny I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Steven Wright territoryhumorlost Sometimes I... No, I don't. Steven Wright humorsometimesfunny
