It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke. Rodney Dangerfield datinggirlmen When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. Rodney Dangerfield cathumorfunny You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight. Rodney Dangerfield our-familypopstonight My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. Rodney Dangerfield carwifesex My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch. Rodney Dangerfield scotchbottlesmissing My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely. Rodney Dangerfield cuttingwifetwo When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved. Rodney Dangerfield flightfourmorning I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield humorouswittyfunny My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks. Rodney Dangerfield allowancechecksmen I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap. Rodney Dangerfield good-morninghumorfunny What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer. Rodney Dangerfield hammersdoctorsballs My wife gives good headache. Rodney Dangerfield marriagewifegiving I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me. Rodney Dangerfield parentdogplay I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over! Rodney Dangerfield kissingnicegiving Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide. Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnykids One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out". Rodney Dangerfield humornightfunny One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife! Rodney Dangerfield wifehumorfunny My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good. Rodney Dangerfield appealsproblemcan-do I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck. Rodney Dangerfield humorperfectfunny For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. Rodney Dangerfield humoreyefunny
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