Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how to get ink off your fingers using seltzer water and lemon juice. Conan O'Brien More Quotes by Conan O'Brien More Quotes From Conan O'Brien So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them. Conan O'Brien athletehomefunny For the first time American astronauts on the International Space Station ate vegetables grown in space. In other words, even space is getting more rain than California. Conan O'Brien californiavegetablesrain President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as 'Person of the Year' by Time magazine. Not only that, Martha Stewart was chosen as person of the year by Doing Time magazine. Conan O'Brien magazinespresidentyears Tom Ridge announced a new color-coded alarm system. ... Green means everything's okay. Red means we're in extreme danger. And champagne-fuschia means we're being attacked by Martha Stewart. Conan O'Brien greencolormean A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump. Conan O'Brien houstonstoresselling Geraldo Rivera says Osama bin Laden is hiding out in Pakistan ... which means the most hated man in Afghanistan is now Geraldo Rivera. Conan O'Brien pakistanmenmean The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they're doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates. Conan O'Brien osama-bin-ladenwhitehouse In Iraq, four American soldiers have been arrested and charged with stealing a million dollars cash. After hearing about it the Fox network announced plans for a new reality show called 'GI Joe Millionaire.' Conan O'Brien iraqsoldierreality In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After hearing this Donald Rumsfeld responded, 'Like he'd know.' Conan O'Brien hearingiraninterviews California has gone insane. According to the latest poll, Arnold Schwarzenegger is leading in California's governor's race by 34 points. You can tell that Governor Gray Davis is worried because he spent all day yesterday working on his pecs. Conan O'Brien californiaraceyesterday In an interview, Kim Cattrall said there could be another 'Sex in the City' movie. An hour later, ISIS surrendered - there's only so much they can take. Conan O'Brien isiscitiessex Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians. Conan O'Brien comedianrunningnight In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, Sea World said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked for comment, killer whales said, 'Hey, you know what's a larger habitat?' THE OCEAN. Conan O'Brien healthoceannature Rick Perry dropped out of the presidential race. When asked what went wrong, Perry said, I guess America is not ready to elect a dumb guy from Texas. But in time. Conan O'Brien texasraceamerica Gary Busey said on the Today Show yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen. Conan O'Brien presidentyesterdayneeds Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron. Conan O'Brien marijuanayesterdayyellow Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related story, there's a huge sale at K-Mart. Conan O'Brien trialsstoriestoday Donald Trump said prior to the debate that he wants to be very civil. He said that instead of referring to all Hispanics as criminals, he'll call them criminal Americans. Conan O'Brien debatecriminalswant After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially cancelled Celebrity Apprentice. Think about it: Donald Trump isn't even president yet, and he's already made America a better place! Conan O'Brien nbcamericathinking Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word 'president.' Political experts say it's all part of Hunter's plan to attract Bush supporters. Conan O'Brien politicalpresidentrunning
