Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet. Cynthia Heimel More Quotes by Cynthia Heimel More Quotes From Cynthia Heimel [On peanut M&Ms:] It is the eggness of them. A shell, chocolate placenta, proteiny peanut baby. Life shape, birth shape, cell shape, protoplasmic-ooze shape. A shape that calls straight through civilization to our reptilian brains. Cynthia Heimel cellsfoodbaby Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other. Cynthia Heimel we-need-each-otherdogneeds You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!' Cynthia Heimel cutekidschildren When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. Cynthia Heimel april-foolsfools-daydoubt The Pain-Free Shopping Method: Buy a present for you, then a present for a friend. Then another present for you. Then a present for a friend. Then two presents for you. Then a present for a friend. Then go home, get into bed, and pull up the covers. Cynthia Heimel shoppingpainhome When women are excited about a date, they go immediately on a diet, because all women know they are hideously obese. Cynthia Heimel obeseexcitedweight All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others. Cynthia Heimel dogsillyfunny This is New York, a combat zone, and everyone has to have an angle or they're not allowed over the bridges or through the tunnels. Let them have their angles, it's what they live for. You've got better things to worry about, like making sure the people that actually matter don't try any funny stuff. Cynthia Heimel tunnelsbridgesnew-york It seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, that there are an awful lot of people in Manhattan. And it's getting worse. Cynthia Heimel manhattanawfulpeople Homework, root canals, and deadlines are the important things in life, and only when we have these major dramas taken care of can we presume to look at the larger questions. Cynthia Heimel takenrootsdrama Contrary to popular cable TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music. Cynthia Heimel disco-musiccable-tvfitness You can't take away knowledge, and it's dangerous to pretend you never had it. Cynthia Heimel dangerous a car is just a moving, giant handbag! You never have actually to carry groceries, or dry cleaning, or anything! You can have five pairs of shoes with you at all times! Cynthia Heimel dry-cleaningshoesmoving Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing. Cynthia Heimel clothesmenfall A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk. Cynthia Heimel comediancomedydemon Not one woman over seventeen has any faith in her skin tone, and no woman over thirty can ever regard her upper arms with equanimity. Cynthia Heimel skin-toneskinsbody [On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention. Cynthia Heimel interventionfourdog I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock band (Moby Grape) any of us had ever seen. It looked psychedelic, yet it was done by ad people. I believe the word "hype" was coined on that very day. Cynthia Heimel rockshumorousbelieve Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores. Cynthia Heimel cleanlingeriekitchen success in L.A. is completely arbitrary. One day you're the brilliant genius of life, the next day people act like there's a bad smell when you approach. Lots of expensive, late-model cars are offered in the L.A. Times every day by people who have suddenly begun to smell bad. The stakes are just too high for human dignity. Cynthia Heimel next-daysmellpeople
