My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there. Elayne Boosler More Quotes by Elayne Boosler More Quotes From Elayne Boosler My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning. Elayne Boosler gun america thinking It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working. Elayne Boosler east comedian cities Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again? Elayne Boosler laundry enough long You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies. Elayne Boosler dog steps tails I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else? Elayne Boosler hot book sex As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year. Elayne Boosler new-year night years Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating. Elayne Boosler sweaters creating years I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners. Elayne Boosler clothes want thinking Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two. Elayne Boosler wall force two Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower. Elayne Boosler ems hair inspirational Horse racing is waning in popularity. Elayne Boosler popularity horse racing I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone. Elayne Boosler extremely-funny said running I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out. Elayne Boosler rip grandma heart Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator. Elayne Boosler males men sex Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something. Elayne Boosler real justice needs I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street. Elayne Boosler women mother home Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting. Elayne Boosler sports blood america I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble. Elayne Boosler risk choices real Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? Elayne Boosler women witty funny President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live. Elayne Boosler lovable president cute
