My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree. Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! Henny Youngman wifehumorfunny She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!" Henny Youngman kissinghumorfunny If I had blood, I'd blush. Henny Youngman humorfunnyblood I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad. Henny Youngman wonderfultwochildren I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. Henny Youngman humortimefunny I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. Henny Youngman cartakenmen All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. Henny Youngman homelesshomemen I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers." Henny Youngman humormenfunny That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! Henny Youngman horsetimefunny Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are. Henny Youngman wantwaymoving I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed? Henny Youngman humorfunnyyears Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. Henny Youngman horsewinningfunny In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess. Henny Youngman teachingeducationschool Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" Henny Youngman hollywoodhumorfunny There were three kids in my family. One of each sex. Henny Youngman threekidssex I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive? Henny Youngman reincarnationalivebelieve "What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!" Henny Youngman wallhumorfunny Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Henny Youngman divorcehumorfunny I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. Henny Youngman humormenfunny This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! Henny Youngman graduationinspirationalfunny
![](https://service.weibo.com/share/share.php?url=https://whatsmyquote.com/quote/she-must-have-egyptian-blood-every-time-i-try-to-kiss-her-she-says-tut-tut&appkey=&title=Henny Youngman quote: She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut...&pic=https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-5109079d3b01a6635a54bf252b0d1987.jpg&ralateUid=&language=zh_cn){kind=link}
![](https://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=https://whatsmyquote.com/quote/she-must-have-egyptian-blood-every-time-i-try-to-kiss-her-she-says-tut-tut&description=She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"&media=https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-5109079d3b01a6635a54bf252b0d1987.jpg){kind=link}
![](https://service.weibo.com/share/share.php?url=https://whatsmyquote.com/quote/what-s-the-latest-dope-on-wall-street-my-son&appkey=&title=Henny Youngman quote: "What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"&pic=https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-9b31dc1f9bf75bfd38e60cbf1a8ff6c8.jpg&ralateUid=&language=zh_cn){kind=link}
![](https://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?url=https://whatsmyquote.com/quote/what-s-the-latest-dope-on-wall-street-my-son&description="What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"&media=https://whatsmyquote.com/images/quote-9b31dc1f9bf75bfd38e60cbf1a8ff6c8.jpg){kind=link}
