My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you. Rodney Dangerfield nice motivational inspirational When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with. Rodney Dangerfield smart clever funny When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" Rodney Dangerfield doctors confusion looks I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield comedy motivational funny On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield halloween humor funny My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. Rodney Dangerfield sexy home inspirational I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel. Rodney Dangerfield switzerland no-respect respect I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield parent funny science With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach. Rodney Dangerfield dancer respect girl Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire. Rodney Dangerfield cake humor funny My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. Rodney Dangerfield wife water funny I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. Rodney Dangerfield hockey fighting sports My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Rodney Dangerfield calendars jealousy wife When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again." Rodney Dangerfield humor funny kids I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now." Rodney Dangerfield girl morning funny One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. Rodney Dangerfield home funny moving When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake. Rodney Dangerfield lakes home water My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. Rodney Dangerfield humor funny sex If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer. Rodney Dangerfield making-love ifs fire I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again. Rodney Dangerfield ifs
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