Never work with animals or children. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle. W. C. Fields middleestablishmentgiving I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him! W. C. Fields ninemenhands Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents) W. C. Fields humorousnamesfunny The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. W. C. Fields aliveluckymen You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. W. C. Fields trustalcoholwater It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason W. C. Fields wineexcellencedrinking The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. W. C. Fields cost-of-livingalcoholdrinking Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle. W. C. Fields scotchwaterneeds Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. W. C. Fields alcoholdonedrinking I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol. W. C. Fields giving-upalcoholbeer A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy. W. C. Fields intoxicatedmenneeds If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot. W. C. Fields doetryingfirsts Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards. W. C. Fields dentistdoctorslawyer In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime. W. C. Fields homerunningaverage Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it. W. C. Fields diessex Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually. W. C. Fields knackmoralpeople It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world. W. C. Fields twelvejusticemen I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew. W. C. Fields churchlongthinking A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does. W. C. Fields conceiteddreammen Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew. W. C. Fields saddestsawsmen
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