On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing. Lewis Grizzard More Quotes by Lewis Grizzard More Quotes From Lewis Grizzard I'm a staunch believer in enterprise, and I'm glad I live in a country where - I don't think some people understand this, but if I work hard, I get rewarded for it. Lewis Grizzard work-hard understand work people You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday. There is no way to win. You just write until you are tired, they fire you, or you die. Lewis Grizzard best good you fire I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No, the reason I smoke is the little sucker tastes so good. Lewis Grizzard good you smoke smoking I don't think I'm a bigot or a racist. But I have a truck, a Blazer. I drink beer. There are some women I do hate. Lewis Grizzard think women hate beer I was raised to think women had babies, stayed at home, and men worked. By the time I got ready to do it, I thought I had all the answers. Only somebody had changed the questions. Lewis Grizzard women home time men The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one. Lewis Grizzard forgive mistakes will trying Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today. Lewis Grizzard great humor today people I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to write a book. Lewis Grizzard my-life me time life A little irreverence is always important to being a columnist. I try to do that. Lewis Grizzard try being always important Show business is my life. Lewis Grizzard show my-life business life I write 200 columns a year, you know. That means I have to have 200 opinions a year. Sometimes, I don't give a damn one way or the other, but that's my job, so I got to take a side. Lewis Grizzard job you sometimes way I gave 738 Rotary Club speeches, and it was just driving me crazy, so someone said, 'Why don't you charge money?' Lewis Grizzard me you crazy money I don't know how I do it, but I've written about everything. I've written about my shoes. Lewis Grizzard how everything know shoes I'd like to know what I could do if I really had the time to spend on writing a book, with no columns or shows to do at the same time. Lewis Grizzard know writing time book I think people are a lot more sensitive than they used to be, and quite rightly so. I don't think we should be using racial jokes and things like that. Lewis Grizzard things think jokes people The South is the last place with a sense of place. Lewis Grizzard sense last place south
