One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth. George Carlin speak-the-truth freedom-of-speech speak There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream. George Carlin dream two order Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards George Carlin gold-teeth play people Religion is just mind control. George Carlin mind funny religion If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms. George Carlin arms given want A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch. George Carlin shame dog watches Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch. George Carlin nice dog funny Is there another word for synonym? George Carlin synonym inspirational life The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls. George Carlin phones mail mistake Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down. George Carlin upside-down comedy world Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard George Carlin beard inspiration Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin witty life funny Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but a joke is about surprising someone. I'm a great believer in context. You can joke about anything. I do like finding out where the line is drawn, deliberately crossing it and bringing some of them with me across the line, and having them be happy that I did. George Carlin quality different people I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has - to be rejoined with the one somehow, to become a part of the universe. Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species. George Carlin natural men thinking So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family. George Carlin motto simple philosophy I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public. George Carlin comedian worry believe I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak. George Carlin religious fun people I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep. George Carlin vegetarian sleep animal I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening. George Carlin gynecologists opening jobs I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me. George Carlin crossing-the-line uptown thinking
