So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out. Dave Attell More Quotes by Dave Attell More Quotes From Dave Attell Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight. Dave Attell fighting Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin' out. He's like 'the electric chair? That's too good for these people. That's too good for them'. Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler? Dave Attell punishment car talking When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me. Dave Attell pardon-me native-american kids A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that. Dave Attell laughing mean people I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on. Dave Attell imagination life-is reality For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended. Dave Attell tattoo long people I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C. Dave Attell sitting running thinking If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche. Dave Attell baby funny jesus A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it. Dave Attell want kids thinking Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat. Dave Attell fantasy humor funny My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs. Dave Attell comedy jobs thinking I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me. Dave Attell fit tvs guy Jesse Joyce is a great writer. Dave Attell joyce great-writers I have a lot of pot tendencies. I'm always late, I laugh for no reason, I watch Jeopardy! with the sound off and make up my own questions. Dave Attell sound laughing watches I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes. Dave Attell drunk want littles I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. Dave Attell comic jokes Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one sick man, and it's up to me and a half-mexican to stop him. Dave Attell animal men sex I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff. Dave Attell soundtracks stuff I'm not really a music guy. Dave Attell guy Being on the road is kind of lonely. Dave Attell lonely kind
