So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it." Chic Murray More Quotes by Chic Murray More Quotes From Chic Murray A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on. Chic Murray humor men funny I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section. Chic Murray strings humor funny It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed. Chic Murray humor funny two I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to. Chic Murray humor teacher funny I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time. Chic Murray tunnels humor funny There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed. Chic Murray humor funny looks I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself. Chic Murray humor moon funny Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep. Chic Murray humor sleep funny A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet. Chic Murray machines humor funny We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements. Chic Murray luxury humor funny My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton. Chic Murray mother funny father If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it? Chic Murray hell humor funny She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress. Chic Murray funny-marriage dry dresses
