The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

Chris Rock

Categorized in : America Children White

Whatever your woman is into, you better be into. Whatever your man is into, you better be N2. Your partner into church, you better be into church. Your man or woman a crack head, you better be a crack head ... Otherwise it just won't work.

cracks church men

I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws. by Chris Rock

I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.

law white people

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a ne... by Chris Rock

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.

causes men needs

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.

rap hate funny

Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!

humor remember funny

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'

rap home funny

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?

basketball baseball funny

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?

crazy mother funny

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"

humor men funny

Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"

hate brother funny

That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got asthma." "Robitussin." "I got cancer." "Robitussin." "I broke my leg." Daddy poured Robitussin on it. "Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get on down to the bone. The 'tussin ought to straighten out the bone."

cancer funny kids

I mean no disrespect to anything I did before. by Chris Rock

I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.

disrespect mean

America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stoma... by Chris Rock

America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.

hunting america people

Atlanta is the best show on TV, period. by Chris Rock

Atlanta is the best show on TV, period.

entertainment

On one hand, I’m a black man who’s like, ‘F--- the police.’ On the other hand, I own property, so when my house gets broken into I’m not calling the Crips, he jokes. Midway through his set, Rock says bullies are needed. That’s how Trump became president, we got rid of bullies. A real bully showed up and nobody knew how to handle him.

entertainment

He messed it up, the man can't tell a joke. by Chris Rock

He messed it up, the man can't tell a joke.

entertainment

Would I ever get married again? not if it would cure AIDS. by Chris Rock

Would I ever get married again? not if it would cure AIDS.

entertainment

You get to reset, it's not a breakdown, but something in your lif... by Chris Rock

You get to reset, it's not a breakdown, but something in your life broke down.

entertainment

I wanna find some peace, 'cause people usually find that peace in a horrible time, why does that have to be? Maybe I can find God without being in shambles. Maybe I can reach a higher plain spiritually without being in a near-death experience.

entertainment

Is Hollywood racist? You're damn right Hollywood is racist. But it ain't that racist that you've grown accustomed to. Hollywood is sorority racist. It's like: 'We like you Rhonda, but you're not a Kappa,'.

entertainment