The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. W. C. Fields beardfamilymen The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. W. C. Fields lawyermommother I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me. W. C. Fields lineswould-beremember Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. W. C. Fields drinkingbeerfood I must have a drink of breakfast. W. C. Fields drinkcomedybreakfast So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey. W. C. Fields swallowingsimplelong I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes. W. C. Fields wittycutefunny A merry Christmas to all my friends except two. W. C. Fields my-friendschristmastwo Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. W. C. Fields milkcrymay I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. W. C. Fields expertssciencefather Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. W. C. Fields devilhusbandacting I never met a kid I liked. W. C. Fields metskids Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh. W. C. Fields businesslaughingpeople I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad. W. C. Fields marriagefirefunny Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. W. C. Fields swimminginnovationlife I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either. W. C. Fields drinkdrinkinghands What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe. W. C. Fields sunshinebrothermother My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw. W. C. Fields daughtermenthinking When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with. W. C. Fields wake-upmorninginspirational Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried! W. C. Fields succeedtryingfacts
