The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence. Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him. Erma Bombeck mother memorable men Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle. Erma Bombeck miracle helping pregnancy It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style. Erma Bombeck wake-up style morning Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. Erma Bombeck shopping football sports Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck happy-mothers-day witty inspirational There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. Erma Bombeck funny-life looks world I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. Erma Bombeck tired paper literature Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant. Erma Bombeck demand family country The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child. Erma Bombeck mother sex art Every puppy should have a boy. Erma Bombeck should-have dog boys No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. Erma Bombeck funny-christmas mother running Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. Erma Bombeck laughter humor inspirational I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. Erma Bombeck labels house giving Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person. Erma Bombeck wrong-number humorous school Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. Erma Bombeck come-up designer car The grass is always greener over the septic tank. Erma Bombeck grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side grass-is-always-greener tanks Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives. Erma Bombeck indonesia play travel Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. Erma Bombeck futility-of-life terrorism memorable My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive," . . . and hangs up. Erma Bombeck phones mother trying What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? Erma Bombeck thanksgiving food mean
