The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted. Joan Rivers down-and daughter mother Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives. Joan Rivers lawyer wife law God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy. Joan Rivers twists tragedy play Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them. Joan Rivers emotional trouble air "I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'" Joan Rivers underwear fashion real Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers. Joan Rivers acting memorable rivers I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't. Joan Rivers fashion real wonder A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy. Joan Rivers lobotomy plastic surgery I started my career in a town so small the local clinic was called Fred's Hospital and Grill. Joan Rivers clinic towns careers I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. Joan Rivers shade looks window Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time. Joan Rivers blink enough-time jokes Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something. Joan Rivers hate children thinking Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.' Joan Rivers sarcastic funny children I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent. Joan Rivers girl memorable children I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here. Joan Rivers drug care thinking Obama came in and said he was going turn everything around, and you can't. Give the guy a break. But I question a lot of what's happening. It's certainly going to reflect in my vote, but who else is there? It's a horrible time, because people vote party lines instead of what's good for the country. I think the whole health care issue turned so ugly, because of party lines, and that's not what that's supposed to be about. Joan Rivers party country thinking If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities have that thin veneer that they will not break for you. Joan Rivers you-like-it telling-the-truth hate Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube. Joan Rivers tubes life-is-hard laughing Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies! Joan Rivers girl want fun I think Hillary Clinton's style is perfect. Perfect. You don't notice what she's wearing, you notice the woman. Joan Rivers style perfect thinking
