The media know exactly what they're doing, focusing our attention on Arsenio's hairdo. We need to keep our brains brimming with rubbish. If we didn't, we might think about things. Cynthia Heimel More Quotes by Cynthia Heimel More Quotes From Cynthia Heimel Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents. Cynthia Heimel babyfunnychildren A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything. Cynthia Heimel percentsense-of-humorhumor Wearing makeup is an apology for our actual faces. Cynthia Heimel cosmeticsmakeupapology In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table. Cynthia Heimel couplenew-yorkfunny Los Angeles people are incapable of passively mainlining TV and movies. Here you have to read who produced or directed every episode, who wrote it, who had guests shots and whether you know them personally and if they like you. You have to figure out who everybody's agent is and whether yours is better. You not only know but deeply care about the difference between such job titles as Producer, Supervising Producer, and Executive Story Editor. ... So while the rest of the country is lying stupid in a media-induced coma, people in L.A. are in constant withdrawal. Cynthia Heimel stupidjobscountry There is one thing that humans strive for with every cell, every gene, every nerve fiber of our beings. ... More than Mallomars, more than hot sex, we want to belong. Cynthia Heimel groupscellssex Women are not ladies. The term connotates females who are simultaneously put on a pedestal and patronized. Cynthia Heimel pedestalfemaleterm The buying of a self-help book is the most desperate of all human acts. It means you've lost your mind completely: You've entrusted your mental health to a self-aggrandizing twit with a psychology degree and a yen for a yacht. Cynthia Heimel selfmeanbook Enough about you let's hear about me. Cynthia Heimel enough A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit. Cynthia Heimel verbspartyuse Lots of you know me as a lone, hard-bitten columnist, prone to lurking on deserted rocky promontories while searching for my muse. Cynthia Heimel lonecolumnistsmuse Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind. Cynthia Heimel frightenedpeace-of-mindmind The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace. Cynthia Heimel realbelievecountry Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot. Cynthia Heimel airplanefeetmen it is a shoe designer's job to be a year ahead of our collective unconscious. Cynthia Heimel collective-unconsciousjobsyears Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons. Cynthia Heimel shoppingcarcities Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church. Cynthia Heimel churchwantsex Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out. Cynthia Heimel fantasycuttinglaw If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? Cynthia Heimel sarcasticifsfunny [On peanut M&Ms:] It is the eggness of them. A shell, chocolate placenta, proteiny peanut baby. Life shape, birth shape, cell shape, protoplasmic-ooze shape. A shape that calls straight through civilization to our reptilian brains. Cynthia Heimel cellsfoodbaby
