The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee! Rodney Dangerfield doctorshumorfunny Hey, did somebody step on a duck? Rodney Dangerfield heyduckssteps What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away. Rodney Dangerfield my-birthdaychildhoodmen With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield wifebirthdaymen I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.' Rodney Dangerfield my-wifewifesaid Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. Rodney Dangerfield workmotivationalpositive I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude. Rodney Dangerfield teenagerattitudeworld Life is just a bowl of pits. Rodney Dangerfield humorsuccessfunny My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. Rodney Dangerfield cousinhumorfunny I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me. Rodney Dangerfield garbagewifeshould I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it. Rodney Dangerfield confidencedoctorsgiving My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher. Rodney Dangerfield anklesgolfson My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water. Rodney Dangerfield sorrybeachfunny Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid! Rodney Dangerfield shackgetting-laidhey I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table. Rodney Dangerfield inspirationalsexthinking It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves. Rodney Dangerfield inspirationallovelife You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all. Rodney Dangerfield know-it-alleightdisappointment One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh! Rodney Dangerfield pittsburghmotherfound I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab! Rodney Dangerfield doctorstoo-muchblood She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker. Rodney Dangerfield omartentsclothes
