The speed of time is one second per second. Steven Wright More Quotes by Steven Wright More Quotes From Steven Wright If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Steven Wright styrofoamhumorfunny I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered. Steven Wright successwritingbook Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? Steven Wright buildinghumorfunny If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright humorwritingfunny A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Steven Wright sarcasticlifefunny You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head. Steven Wright scarenicedepression If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat Steven Wright humorvegetablesfunny It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself. Steven Wright killingfirst-timefirsts They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right. Steven Wright microwaveshumorfunny For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Steven Wright humorbirthdayfunny I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Steven Wright peacelifefunny I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. Steven Wright visionarieshumorfunny Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Steven Wright supportculturepeople Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. Steven Wright humormondayfunny Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically! Steven Wright imaginebirdlaughing Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you? Steven Wright humornightfunny All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand. Steven Wright humorfunnybelieve Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?" Steven Wright humoryesterdayfunny I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. Steven Wright humorwaterfunny I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there. Steven Wright humorhousefunny
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