This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober. Frank Carson More Quotes by Frank Carson More Quotes From Frank Carson An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. Frank Carson husband humor funny My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.' Frank Carson humor love-you funny A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here." Frank Carson humor men funny A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife." Frank Carson humor men funny I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas." Frank Carson octopus humor funny There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous." Frank Carson humor men funny A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday." Frank Carson humor men funny It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much." Frank Carson divorce humor funny Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?" Frank Carson doctors humor funny I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed. Frank Carson humor doors funny An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's." Frank Carson party humor funny A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard." Frank Carson humor brother funny I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner." Frank Carson shoes humor funny A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!" Frank Carson girl humor funny Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? Frank Carson car humor funny There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches. Frank Carson humor funny two My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." Frank Carson humor sheep funny What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish. Frank Carson differences humor funny So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'. Frank Carson nuisance humor funny I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?" Frank Carson humor funny way
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