This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical. Craig Ferguson More Quotes by Craig Ferguson More Quotes From Craig Ferguson I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath. Craig Ferguson misery arabia thinking I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of those slick politicians, that this just shows his human side, and some third excuse he can't remember. Craig Ferguson overcoming sides trying I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants. Craig Ferguson excited ipads I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies. Craig Ferguson zombie monsters funny I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that's just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don't believe that anymore. Children of privilege can be just as talented and clever as anybody else. Craig Ferguson clever believe children I used to love going fishing. I think it was really about the clothes. Nothing says real man like a vest with 38 pockets and a mesh hat with hooks in it. Craig Ferguson real men thinking Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012 Craig Ferguson mayans calendars quitting For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say "Good morning, sir" or "madam," depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require. Craig Ferguson paris weather morning It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year. Craig Ferguson great-day mean years It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan. Craig Ferguson law desire long I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. There was not much money. The most popular Christmas toy was probably a potato. Craig Ferguson scotland potatoes christmas With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying. Craig Ferguson smarter parody people It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots. Craig Ferguson may people world I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater. Craig Ferguson dragons humor funny I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. Craig Ferguson causes crazy clever It 's the time of year when Canadians mate. Craig Ferguson humor funny years The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks. Craig Ferguson queens beauty kids It's all about the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism. Craig Ferguson triumph romance cynicism The Universe is very, very big. Craig Ferguson universe bigs time The term Big Brother is from George Orwell's book 1984 - where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like Creepy Uncle? Craig Ferguson uncles brother book
