Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

Bill Bailey

Categorized in : Littles Stupid Three

Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.

humor funny believe

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

humor organization funny

But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look... by Bill Bailey

But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

humor funny country

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, rec... by Bill Bailey

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.

humor talking funny

"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?

queens humor funny

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is act... by Bill Bailey

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.

humor unique funny

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit by Bill Bailey

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

fruit stealing animal

Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? "Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit."

humor stupid funny

I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.

humor funny thinking

Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

stupid numbers commitment

I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.

college teaching fun

I am a confectionery-based existentialist. by Bill Bailey

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

existentialist humor funny

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.

gigs littles television

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

humor would-be funny

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish. by Bill Bailey

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

cheese humor funny

Contentment is knowing you're right by Bill Bailey

Contentment is knowing you're right

contentment knowing