Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability. Bill Bailey More Quotes by Bill Bailey More Quotes From Bill Bailey This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone." Bill Bailey humor funny past In Unity there is strength; Bill Bailey enjoy-life strength moving Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door. Bill Bailey humor jobs funny Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it. Bill Bailey lavender orange laughing I got ham but I'm not a Hamster Bill Bailey ham humor funny Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish. Bill Bailey swans humor funny There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box. Bill Bailey humor evil funny Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard. Bill Bailey humor sound funny The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder. Bill Bailey scotch humor funny I tend to go through periods worrying, "Where am I going, I can't see a way out of this," and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself. Bill Bailey worry sometimes way Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious! Bill Bailey three humor funny I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all. Bill Bailey dollars humor funny Work hard, save and live within your means. Bill Bailey hard hard-work mean My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn't just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure. Bill Bailey vintage guitar beautiful I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?' Bill Bailey sorry morning funny Thank God for Darwin, eh? Bill Bailey thank-god humor funny Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to. Bill Bailey humor funny book I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they. Bill Bailey ducks humor funny A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that. Bill Bailey feminist humor funny It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life. Bill Bailey outlook-on-life humor funny
