Time and tide and hookers wait for no man. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night. Rodney Dangerfield wifestarsnight One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.' Rodney Dangerfield homemenfunny What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnykids It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom. Rodney Dangerfield lonely-at-the-topbottomlonely Comedy is a camouflage for depression. Rodney Dangerfield camouflagecomedy Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive! Rodney Dangerfield dadhumorfunny All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out. Rodney Dangerfield fightingnightsex Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act. Rodney Dangerfield comedyblood I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry? Rodney Dangerfield angryive-learnedcan-do A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail. Rodney Dangerfield threetailsheaven I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year. Rodney Dangerfield homosexualitybisexualyears If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble. Rodney Dangerfield wifemencountry I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint. Rodney Dangerfield making-lovebookway My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks. Rodney Dangerfield rocksmotherfunny I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough". Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnysex When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right. Rodney Dangerfield marriedwifefound With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it. Rodney Dangerfield respectwifehands When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies. Rodney Dangerfield casesagesex I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave. Rodney Dangerfield yeahwifebed I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." Rodney Dangerfield humormenfunny
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